The Journey

“You are nature. You are already perfect, peaceful, and powerful. You don’t need to become anything. You simply need to remember yourself.”

-Vironika Tugaleva

At the beginning of this year, I -along with two of my best friends- embarked on a journey of self-love. It was a decision borne out of a particularly hard summer for all of us that involved a lot of tears, wanderlust, and introspection. We realized that we needed to reach a point of inner-peace, rather than simple trying to measure up to what society or those around us felt that she we should be. We chose to choose ourselves and our happiness for once. It sounds simple, but the truth is that it was not. It is not easy to go from a place of self-hate and self-doubt, and then enter into a world where you have and choose to look at yourself with love. It is not easy to be confident in your choices, when only days before you questioned all of them. However, no journey that's worthwhile is ever easy- that's what makes the journey so bearable and beautiful. 

In September, when school started, my journey began by doing something that I truly hadn't done in a very long time: I was completely myself with a group of people that I didn't know. I allowed everyone to see all of the weird and silly sides of me. I didn't care if I got weird looks or judged, I was happy to just live in the moment and be free. I think that's what I fell in love with the most: I was free. This freedom launched me into a stronger desire to become more in tune with nature. I began to take more walks, listen to more music, read more and write more. More than anything, because of the school I attend, I began to act more. I felt myself growing into the happiest version of myself, even with my various struggles and fears. I found this happiness that I just loved too much to let go.

 Then, my 20th birthday rolled around, a day that I will remember for the rest of my life. One of my best friends planned an extremely detailed and special day for me that filled me with such love and adoration for all of those around me. It was on that day that it hit me, I'd changed. I looked into the mirror that day and realized that for a while, I'd been seeing a beautiful woman smiling back at me. I found that I loved the person that I was, and that she was loved by many, as well. It was amazing and shocking, and very much overwhelming. It was beautiful. 

All of this brings me to today, to this very moment when I am sitting at home on my spring break, thinking about how blessed I am and about how happy I am to have such amazing people and experiences in my life. I didn't eat as healthily as I normally do over break, nor was I as productive as I tend to be and like to be; however, I'm sitting here writing this post. I am still learning new things about myself and to grow a deeper love for myself everyday, but I love myself. It is a never-ending journey, and it isn't always easy. But I love myself. And I am happy to say so. 

I hope that you, whoever you are, are learning to love yourself, too. 

- xoxo Jae

All of these photos belong to me and my friends. They were taken by one or the other.